Undeserving

Something I have been wondering about lately is why God continues to bless me even in the times that I push Him away.

Guilt and apathy are the two main things that have made me less inclined to try and step into His presence lately. I know how unworthy I am. I know I don't deserve His love or blessings.

Yet He continues to pursue me. It amazes me.

He blesses me with friendships centered around Him. He blesses me with opportunities. He blesses me with an awesome family. He blesses me with an awesome church. The list goes on forever. Each blessing becoming more and more evident daily.

Yet I flee from Him. Because, for whatever reason, I think at times that it would just be easier to live my life on my own. I'm so, so wrong.

He blessed me with an amazing weekend full of time with friends. And then, the Monday after, the Monday I was dreading, He blessed me with a good day at work. The first good Monday I've worked all summer.

It makes me feel all  the more rotten at times, though. To be so blessed when I'm so undeserving. I feel that what I have to give back is so not nearly enough. But isn't that exactly the point of grace?